where am i from again
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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