Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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