just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
