If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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