I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
