I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
