every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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