i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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