This dress was meant to end up on your floor
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
