How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
