So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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