i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
