the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
