Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
