Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
