How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
