after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
