Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have so much sex to catch up on
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
