I smell stomach acid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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