I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
