Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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