so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
