I look better un-naked...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Less talking, more tequila
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
