She announced her abortion via fbk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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