I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
