he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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