Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
