take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
