dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
