Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
