You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
