the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
