lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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