Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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