Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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