No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
