Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
