I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my sisters under your porch take her home
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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