Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
