Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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