My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
