i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
