True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My liver just had a heart attack.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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