Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
