You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
