I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
