My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize