I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
