yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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