that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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