just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my liver is dry heaving
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
