The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
