he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
